A few more weeks pass by and my body continues to struggle dealing with this illness or condition, whatever we label it. I’ve had a steady decline over the last couple of months with increasing amounts of leg pain and mobility issues. Some of this I believe is down to Peripheral Neuropathy, in particular the burning which is fairly constant, twitches and weakness. I’m more aware of the muscle loss now than I was, I can see it, my shape has changed!
The biggest issue I’ve had is with mobility due to the problems with the muscles and connective tissues. I’ve had ups and downs this year, varying from hardly being able to walk to being able to wander around town even if there was pain doing so. I’ve not been in a situation where I could consider hiking anywhere and anything more than a slow walk has always been out of the question. Putting any stress or strain on any of my limbs or muscles causes immediate pains, pin prick sensations, feelings of tearing or burning.
What has been more of a concern is the decline with little improvement and no real “up” moment now for quite a while. I’m currently able to limp around the house, I can get out and wander short distances as long as I take breaks and I can drive. I even managed to fly this last weekend, it was only a 50 minute flight, but I had to deal with plenty of stairs and walking and I made it through with absolute grit and determination because it hurt, a lot.
My hip on the left, my back on the right side and my thighs have all been problematic, weak, suddenly giving away if I turn a weird angle or twist a certain way. It gets me down, of course it does, you’d have to be made of stone to not feel depressed when someone 20 years older goes flying up stairs that you can only manage 1 step at a time. I know rest is important but I also know too much can be detrimental so it’s trying to understand that balance. Last thing I want is to end up pulling or tearing a major tendon and having to deal with the recovery from that but the truth is I simply don’t know what damage has been done and is continuing to be done.
The best way I can describe this is that it feels like I’ve gone to sleep and drifted into a nightmare. A nightmare where my life has been taken away and I’m trapped inside a broken body that looks like mine but isn’t! I’m living groundhog day, the same routines, the same pains, the same future and it’s over and over except the symptoms change, in an every spiralling fashion, unpredictable, debilitating, ruining plans, making life a misery.
I guess I’m doing what so many have already have done, looking for answers, looking for hope, dealing with the anger, the pain and the sadness. Why did I take the damn pills? Why didn’t I research before I took them? Why did I blindly believe the consultant who gave them to me? I still relatively young, possibly only half way through my life yet it many ways right now it feels like I’ve had my life and this is it now. I “hope” that my body still has the ability to recover, that not too much damage is done. I mean I’ve not abused it, I rarely drink, I don’t smoke nor ever have. Yes I’ve maybe had a sweet tooth and probably could have been a bit more active at times but I’ve been healthy, gone through periods of visiting the gym regularly, did Kung-Fu for a while, did Tai Chi for a while, cycled, did a bit of running many years ago etc..
The Ciprofloxacin just seems to have aged me from the inside, damaged anything that needs collagen and stopped my body repairing itself properly. My muscles, skin, teeth, eyesight and so much more has been impacted, quite unbelievable. Yet NO pharmaceutical company offers a solution, a majority of doctors won’t accept the drug caused the condition and those who do accept it have no treatment they can offer. I’ve read horror stories of people being treated like idiots by medical professionals (I use that term loosely) who have financial interests in prescribing various drugs. The USA seems much more aware of risks and the FDA recommendations compared to the UK agencies such as NICE and MHRA but the doctors still offer no solutions over there either.
I’m seeing the consultant Thursday 6th October, the 7th year anniversary of my mothers funeral as it happens. I hope she can advise and help in some way, she does at least accept that Ciprofloxacin caused all my issues but has stated that time is the only real healer.