Anxiety, stress, tension, worry… Whatever you call it the effects on a person are substantial. The physical symptoms which manifest themselves as a result psychological issues that you have little control over can be debilitating and upsetting, leading to further anxiety and depression.
I first encountered the monster that is anxiety some 14 years ago when dealing with a whole bunch of life stresses, long working hours and the sudden death of a friend due to suicide. I suffered a massive panic attack one morning on my way to work with such extreme symptoms I couldn’t believe there wasn’t some physical illness or condition causing them. That morning I ended up in the Emergency department of a hospital in London after I was carted off in an ambulance as a suspected heart attack case. Some 4 hours later I was discharged after a plethora of tests all of which indicated no problem except for rapid heart rate.
So began over 18 months of learning to deal with anxiety and stress during which I was hospitalised 2 more times, 1 of which was incredibly distressing as they struggled to slow my heart rate below 140 resting and they resorted to using some pretty hard core drugs requiring me to be taken to the crash room in case my heart stopped. Thankfully it didn’t but they still couldn’t slow the heart rate so I remained in hospital for a further 4 days. When I eventually made it home I struggled with weird symptom after weird symptom. Dizzyness 24/7, muscle spasms, headaches and weird pains in my head, palpitations, insomnia, fatigue, twitching, odd burning sensations, adrenalin rushes, digestive issues and many more. I did CBT, read a lot of books, saw a therapist and learnt how to deal with it all for the next 8 years, mostly.
However the last 6 years have thrown a whole raft of stressful situations at me. First was losing my mother to cancer just 4 weeks after being diagnosed. Then my marriage broke down and a difficult divorce followed. My father was then diagnosed with cancer and died a year later during which time I developed some issues with my prostate which lasted around 1.5 years. The end result of that was the prescription of Ciprofloxacin that has left me physically and mentally tortured since May 2015. On top of this are job worries, day to day stresses and the world we live in which is stressful in itself just to be a part of.
This last year I’ve had good days and bad, some of the bad days have been really very low indeed. Depression has been a problem with periods where I couldn’t see point in the future, I struggled to enjoy anything, I would choke up or start to cry out of the blue. Recently I’ve been dealing with increased palpitations, arm pains, sleep issues, digestive issues, fatigue, tight chest and the usual anxiety symptoms. The knock on effect is feeling fed up and depressed about this constant battle of trying to beat the floxing, which in turn leads to more anxiety. So I’m going to try to address that, meditation, more sleep, swimming, peace and quiet to start with. I’d like to do Tai Chi again which I did years ago but physically I can’t right now. I think I’ll remove stimulants from my diet such as coffee and reduce sugar and salt to see if that helps. I’m sure in time this will pass as I hope the floxing will also, I just wish it would hurry up!