Just catching up here with an update on Life. I thought the gout was kicking in again 2 days ago but so far it hasn’t but instead I’ve had increased all over joint and muscle problems, fatigue, burning in the joints and skin. FQT symptoms have gone up significantly and my general feeling of well being is through the floor at the moment. Mentally I’m at a low, too much stress, too many problems and unexpected things converging on my life from lots of directions have led to sleepless nights and a brain that refuses to shut up. I’m tired, both physically from the day to day struggle that is apparently life and mentally from the constant pains, worries, up and down emotions of dealing with FQT, work worries and the list just grows.
I keep seeing things on TV, people enjoying life, trekking across amazing countryside, swimming in crystal blue seas, just doing what normal people do and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to do that again. Not having been able to walk properly for over 6 months, limping around all the time, the constant twinges in my muscles, the sharp pains in my ankles, hips, the up and down sleep patterns, the increased anxiety and palpitations that seem to come with that, a constant reminder that my body isn’t right and waiting to “break” with one false move. I just want the ability to enjoy life and I seem to have lost that at the moment.
I try to get through each day as best I can but it’s hard work, never knowing whether you’ll get through without a major incident or if a sudden burst of physical symptoms will kick in and you’ll be back to being a heap of flesh and bones sat immobile in a chair just hoping the latest batch of torture will pass. You just want to be able to go out and do physical things, plan stuff and know that you’ll be able to do them. I’ve never felt so trapped by life, restricted by my own physical abilities and I don’t like it.
Our cat Luna has brought some much needed light into a very dark world. Her wonder and curiosity of everything is a delight to watch. She goes from being a maniac cat running around the house at warp factor 10 to a calm purring kitten sat on your lap in almost an instant. When your opinion of the world and life seems to fade something like this is a much needed reminder that life can be fun and interesting. I think I want to be a cat in another life!